Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Heather Harmon Retired

Decline





"Silence Equals Death" Kinderwhore




slowly coming back to feel better. It was useless to wallow in pain like that. For what? For a boy. I would not be neither the first nor the last girl to be betrayed by the type of which had fallen in love. Well, I tried to do with a reason and, helped by my friends, I was getting on me pretty good.
never saw Jack for some time, not that I was interested to see it. As they say does not see eye, heart aches, and saying it was never more true. Although, on the one hand, I was damn curious to know what I wanted to revise and combined his eyes, felt a tightness in the other all the time that only I went through my mind his name.
I was smart enough to know and imagine how many times he had betrayed me to end up like icing on the cake, get caught with just under my dorm. Jack certainly did not shine for intelligence ... Or maybe it was exactly what he wanted: a way to wash their hands and do not give me many explanations uncomfortable for him.
The girl who was with him in any way, I got to see it and recognize it as well. The only detail I remembered that I had long dark hair, nothing more. I wonder if she knew of our history, if I had never spoken ... But not in reality I did not want to know, for the simple fact that I could see how she was more beautiful, desirable for me.
I fought on all fronts, but preferred to choose the path of indifference trying to think as little as possible.
So we started to play almost every night, even an hour was enough to keep us entertained and laugh out loud, to fantasize, to improve ... Living.
The lives of my friends proceeded smoothly without any special ... Above all, love.
Jamie she was still with Mary and it seemed that things were fine. I could not admit that I envied them greatly, he was soft, filled her with attention and she was proud of her boy drummer. For the rest did not know much, we said goodbye, yes, but nothing more. She was a cheerleader could not be expected much from chicks like that: they felt superior to the rest of the female world that surrounds them. If only, however, were seen as the idiots jumping on the field certainly have changed their minds about themselves. In the end, however, Mary made her happy one of my best friends and that was enough for me, even though he was an idiot jumping in miniskirts.
Elvira, as usual, had no steady boyfriend. He would go out with a guy who lavorara in a flower shop and daily non macava of them deliver a daisy, a lily, a rose on holidays and so on. The only flaw? Elvira was allergic to pollen. This amused her and you could see what would make her a pleasure to be worshiped as a goddess ... To the point that began to sneeze as a possessed and then, as expected, got rid of the flower to put an end to their suffering from allergies and promptly declared that he will soon get rid of him too.

One evening I was sitting like so many on the floor to study.



I wrote a few lines of notes, then without even thinking, then I stopped to memorize formulas. Without even thinking I threw a blind eye to the window beside me, as if I had suggested a sixth sense to do it unintentionally, and I saw a silhouette of the lamp under the lights along the road. A shape that I knew all too well: it was Jack.



I instinctively brings his hands to his face. It was no doubt that was heading in my dorm.
What was he doing there? What did he want? I would right a confrontation with him, not at that time.
ran out of the room in search of moral support and luck would have it, Elvira, just one who was looking for, was watching the TV right there.



"I saw Jack!" just raises his voice, but not too much to not feel in the case had already entered.
"Where?" he asked, turning just amazed.



"I think that will come here. I saw it clearly. Elly, I do not want to see." I approached her with great strides.
He stood up and seeing me visibly worried and anxious, sighed, rubbing the face and then take the arms folded across his chest.



"Ok, calm, down, I'll use it." assured me quiet, but with a vein of trouble. In the end she could not stand Jack.

\u0026lt;/ a>

"Do not mess, I beg you. I trust you." frowning expression in more and more anxious. I did not want it to be reckless.
"No, I will not do anything ... just ask him what he wants and send him away. You stay here." I already ordered and was heading toward the floor below.



After I saw her disappear, courses in the Room me and my accovaciai foot of the bed, I almost was hiding from a monster.
A monster that ate the hearts. Exactly what Jack had done. After having reviewed, if only briefly, I did not know whether to try him or hate compassioneo indifference or perhaps, as I feared ... Still love. Hate and Love. So far, but united by a burning feeling and agonizing, excruciating.
eyes I pointed to the window to assure with certainty that when Jack was gone for good.
minutes pass and Elly did not hear back. I was wondering what the hell was juice, when the thud of the door made me jump. I brought a hand to his chest as if it was my heart that he had decided to explode. A few seconds Later Jack ran a hand over his face. The darkness prevented me from seeing clearly because it covered the face, but then it did not matter: he was gone. She left the room and Elly was Saliendo the stairs.
He turned with a serious look and really pissed off. I lowered my head without saying a word and saw his bloody hands. Pulse sgranai eyes and I pointed them in his.
"What ... It '... Success?" I stammered, not daring to imagine.
"He overdid it a little too ..." rubbed her wrist and bit his lower lip, the air between the guilty and the troubled "I never wanted to do, believe me. ... He said things" shook his head to chase away the thought of the words of Jack "can thank that has not killed Christ! "snapped then sighed sorry" Lu, I'm sorry ... I take the left hand ... "
I did not know what to say, I just wanted to know what he could say so absurd. If Elvira had come to hit him with a force that will leave blood on the hands it was really great shot.
I swallowed.
"Elly ..."
"Come, I'll tell you everything ..." went to the bathroom to clean their hands. The carefully washed, dried and then leaned against the sink and told me what had happened.

Things went more or less like this ...

went downstairs and saw him immediately outside the entrance that was looking around. He folded arms across his chest and smiled warmly as if nothing had happened.
"Hello, Elly." greeted her.



"Hello, Jack, for you, Elvira." smiled, but with a mood far more bitter.
"Ok, sorry ..." returned to the serious and slightly impatient tone. "I wanted to talk with Lu ..."
"There." dry, without adding another, staying in front of the stairs so that he could not move under any circumstances.
"No, I do not believe ..." shook his head "I do not want to see?"



"What do you think?" always short and concise to remain as calm as possible and not break the promise I had made a little earlier.
"Come on, can I go?" almost pleadingly.
"I would say no."
"Man, what it cost you?" began more than a little impatient.
"Do not feel like that's all. Even if she was above you do not want to talk, so you can put even the back." with a gesture imitating a rotation and then the index is placed at the door.
"Christ, if you're stubborn." rolled his eyes angrily.
"Have you seen those qualities?" said radiant then turned serious "Hello, Jack. to never see again." with his hand raised and his eyes scratched the air dismissively.
"Very funny, really." responded to the provocations of Elvira. Acid and bad, as she spoke to me I came back to mind the time I slammed the wall and I remembered his eyes. I guess it was also at that time.
Jack reached out to her and Elvis found himself on one arm with the same force tried to move it and go, but she struggled with anger.
"What the hell do you think, eh? Ugly idiot! Do not touch me!" pushed him away.
"You put here to block the road, but who the hell are you?" the yelled. "I speak, I must see it!"
"Ooooh, you have to, eh?" he repeated sarcastically, "If I wanted to do things right you should not have done what you did and now you can talk about what you want, do little Jack?." maintained its brash and sarcastic tone. At that point it was Jack was easy to imagine how irritated.
"And what do you do you can import? You're just a ..." she stopped biting her lip with eyes blazing.
"A?" What? " feigned interest in something that was all too obvious "Finish the sentence, come on ..." challenged him.
"Forget it and let me go now!" tried again to go back. Elvira
But this time she became serious and grim, as well as threatening.
"You come closer and I'll break that pretty face from Boeotian you find yourself." tilted his head and opened her lips into a little reassuring grin.
Jack, in response, thinned his eyes "Now I have a stew. Maybe it's better that really let loose. It 's just a bitch ... As much as you. "
" What, sorry? Can you repeat? "Frowned.
" Yes, you understand it. "Chuckled sarcastically," You're both idiots. You know what I could care? I did it for her because I know I was still drooling after him! Come on, he always did, from the first moment I saw! I knew I could fuck her in every moment when the met. Even the street. It would be enough for a look. Or am I wrong? "He hissed with a smirk.



Elvira was limited to punch him. Without much thought, impetuous as he was did not hold back at all those words.



The punch that was so settled down so strong that broke the nose. scriocchiolare clearly heard him on the knuckles of his hands.
"And now, I'd say it's time for you to get out of here ..." as he fell to the ground for the coup.



Elvira seemed small and defenseless, but he could get into fights as much as a man and had no scruples to use violence when needed. He continued "Before you decide to make you sterile for the rest of your days." impassible with a barely audible whisper, hissed.
"You're a ... a ..." got up holding his face with his hands to block the blood was pouring from his nose.
"bitch, you've already told you! Get out!"
"It does not end here, you know! It does not end here! "pointed a finger at the exit before slamming the door violently, then disappearing into the darkness.

so ended their dialogue. Fiddling with my hair constantly, torturing them and staring at nothing before me to imagine the scene.
"And this is what he thinks of me? That is a stupid bitch? "No particular inclination in my voice. More statements than questions.
" He was talking nonsense. "Rubbed his wrist again, he hit so hard.
" Yes, but told the truth. I do not know ... Even if I still like ... I think I love him fully, but I hate him! "I shrugged my shoulders as if what I said could make sense.
The items that had told me hit me like daggers. Another time he had managed to break, as if she did not 'had done enough.
"I'm so sorry, Mon. If he had not said those words, had it not been so bastard ... I never would have done." Elvira sorry I stroked her cheek with his fingertips.
"I know ... You did it for me ... I've only defense." I nodded and smiled weakly.
"Try to sleep a bit, ok?" I smiled sweetly put out a tuft of hair from her face. Then he sighed, "I'm going to my room, I need sleep. But if you need to know that you are also in the middle of the night."
sighed and nodded again.
I prepared myself to sleep, but I was not even vaguely assulatamente and ready to sleep. So to kill time I went to watch a little TV. I sat at the foot of the couch.
was when Jamie came home late now.



was out with some of his friends why he had not seen the wonderful scene of a few hours before.



"Hey, Mon! What are you doing awake at this hour?" approached me and knelt before him.
"I can not sleep. It 'thing happened tonight." I looked down, I just wanted to tell him the story all in one go at that time.
"What is success?" the smile painted on his face faded and gave way to ' worried.
I continued to tell him everything just as Elvira told me.
stood stunned, sighed and went, bringing his hands on my shoulders.



"Elly was right to strike and you do not have to worry about anything. If you are looking for or want to hurt you, even if only with words, I swear I'll kill him." smiled and hugged me trying to play down.



hugged me. His arms were in heaven at that moment and made me feel protected and safe.
"Now is not best that you go to sleep?" I let go and smiled.
"I would stay here again for a while alone. You do not mind, true? Then I promise I'm going to bed .. "I smiled.
" Okay, do not be late, "he laughed," I go to my room. Night, Lu "and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I smiled and followed him with his eyes until he closed the door of his room.
I hugged her knees and began to hum a lullaby heard a tiny voice somewhere.
... .. a song that simulates the wind
I no longer me, I no longer me.
's great love cannibal.
Angels wings over burning buildings
pregnant.
Suck
last breaths and then eat me.
Angels in the celestial spirits screaming harmonics


never eat their fill of the great love cannibal

Exactly ... feeling, or whatever it was, that bound me and Jack.
The step that separated me from another relapse was very small. The words they know more than the kill shots.
decline, nothing else was waiting for me.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Brother Scanning Utility

New Beginning



"Have To Drive" Amanda Palmer




"One day I suffer like I suffer from" playing the songs they listen to every day after that episode, in a certain way, changed my life, my way of thinking, of relating. Hole Doll Parts
of which seemed to have been written for me. One day
suffer like I suffer. No, Jack would not have never had even half of what I was suffering just for the fact that he had never really interested. I had used, teased and then left there like an old toy.
However I could not hate him. In fact I could not prove anything: barely touched the food, not the guitar I played for days and when I did I was listless and minimally motivated, studied as an automaton, the more habit than out of duty and the desire to pass their exams. Apathy, not heard much outside of me, while inside I screamed and tried to stifle the screams as I could. Elvira
I always said that my eyes were talking, he would have understood even kilometers away that I was wrong, but it was Elvira, and she had a sixth sense in everything.
of course I had to calm his anger toward Jack, if it had been for her, I was going to be taken and beaten with his own hands. Matta as he was he would do it seriously. Jamie
but I felt guilty and apologized for telling continuously presented. He felt responsible, but it was not his fault that Jack had decided to find another woman more attractive than me and baciarsela front of my dorm.
more time to heal things, however, did not get worse. Maybe because I did not want anyone's help, did not want to talk about it because just the thought made me bleed and feel terribly humiliated and stupid. Our
musical project had slowed alarmingly. Jamie and Elvira do not press upon me at all, but in their eyes you could tell they wanted to see me still playing, still smiling and burning as before.
at the thought of disappointing too, I was dying. I sat in my room on the bed. The silence around, the only noises that came from the street. Laughter, crystal clear and vibrant voices of students who passed under my window.



A disappointment on all fronts. I lay down and looked at the white ceiling of my room, his hands clasped in her lap. I closed my eyes: the face of Jack in front of me smiling. This alone could see when I closed my eyes.
opened them again to get rid of that face that I loved so much and that I hated. I sighed and got up.



I ran a hand through his hair. A waterfall of blond hair flooded my face. Staring into the void, without even thinking I got up and walked to the rehearsal room. Every step I take I rumbled in his chest, slowly it seemed to me to walk under water, as another dimension of space.




reached out a hand to touch the wall that ran along the stairs, I scratched the back of his hand. I felt no burning, it hurt. I just watched the slender wrist, I had lost weight and seemed to disappear now.
Step by step he reached the door, I opened the handle and entered. Before My eyes her, my old guitar.
What was the hold it there, unused? What was to continue to play if he stayed there to take the dust?
breathed strong savoring the smell in our rehearsal room, the unmistakable aroma of mint mixed dust. A little air fresheners were served by Elvira. But it had a unique smell and so familiar by now.



Another few steps and found myself in front of my guitar, just sparkled under the lights through the windows.
I touched the handle almost automatically, she made a shrill. He was crying, I was sure. Cries of agony my heart that I could not continue to suffer. I I could not continue to feel bad enough, I was litter.



firmly grasped the handle and slowly sollavai, not to play this time, but to hurl it with all my strength against the wall. Again and again and again. Shattered under my shots and more violent as I could. An infernal noise deaf and leaping chords.
I stopped when I heard the might be impaired. I knelt on the floor with the pain, blurred vision and heart like I made a mad rush of kilometers. The guitar is completely destroyed in front of me, now would not have been more wrong. He would not cry. I prayed for someone did the same thing about me and put an end to my suffering, but it did not. I collapsed just lying on the floor.



only later I realized my foolish act, Elvira and Jamie when I picked up from the floor. As soon as I opened my eyes and made sure you were okay I lay it delicately against the wall. I watched the void while Elvira asked me why I had done and if I felt good and if I needed help.
"I do not know why I did it." I simply say, thinking that I was once again able to ruin something that I wanted. All that passed between my hands seemed to crumble.
"Jul. .." I ran a hand over his forehead to offset rebel locks from his face. "How can you play now?" sighed and looked at me with concern.
"I'm sorry ..." I said before tightening in the chest and knees and take it to the empty set in front of me. She
comfortable on my side where I was leaning against the wall. 'E' for Jack, right? Want to talk? "
"Yes, for him ... .. But I do not know ..." I laid my eyes on my hands and fidgeted nervously with his fingers "I ... I feel empty, that is. ... I seem to sporfondare I never thought to go that far ..." my robotic voice sounded terribly pathetic.
"Come on, Lu .. A guy so it is better to lose than to find it ... I know it's trivial, but that is not to destroy you in this way there ..." looked down "You still want to play?" displacing said. "I'm not lobbying or other non fraitendermi ... And 'you'd better lie, well ... "
" You want another singer and another guitarist? "I asked in utter disarray and confusion.
shook his head" I'm not saying this, Lu, the Flaming Stars without you do not make sense to exist ... I think you'd better play to regain a bit of life here ... I know how much you love music, singing, playing ... And I want you to fall into a whirlwind of depression for any idiot that certainly does not deserve your tears ... "sweet smiles.
At that time Jamie came into the room with a glass of water handed to me to refresh.
"True, Jamie?" urged Elvira.
"What, Elly? "Approached her.



" That Flaming Lu have no sense ... "and he laughed with her.
" Of course, in short, Lu .. Take your time and do not worry ... "he paused a moment to think" too because you can not play, you do not have the guitar ... "
" Jamie is a genius, really! "sarcastic Elvira could not puzzecchiare Jamie.
He returned with a grimace, but kept the laughter and burst out laughing.
do not know what I deserved to have friends like that, but I was lucky and my morale is lifted and shortly after I returned a smile.
"Although I do a little bit sick as a musician? "smiles.
" Who sucks? " Jamie asked puzzled.
"Exactly, the moralizing right! None of us sucks, we've played in a club and find an opportunity to do it again and if I'm wrong .... Well, 'slam me!" laughed. "We will learn from our mistakes and fuck the rest, no?"
"Excuse me, who would be moralizing, Kane?" raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms to his chest, Jamie.
"You!" Elvira said quiet.
"It is true that they are righteous!" defended himself.
"On this I would have to say, I get a list?" not held back the laughter when Jamie then made a rush to beat her and she pretended to defend themselves. I also
Risi, taste, it seemed that the black cloud over my head had disappeared at least for a while. When the fight ended
Affan and prey to laughter, I got up and threw a blind eye to the wreckage of my former guitar scattered all over the floor.
"Ok, give me some time. Riodinare Just in time for my life and to convince my to buy back a damn guitar. ... Christ" Already imagine the curses that I would launch my parents. Of course they will not know that I was in a fit of anger.

After the usual lessons got to the dorm exhausted. I saw Elvis right on the door of my room waiting for me and had a mischievous grin, as well as a new haircut. He had obviously cut and dyed only knows, as he always did. This time he opted for a "case to go with the scissors and a two-tone green and black. The were so good.
"I do not look great hair like this?" ran a hand through his hair ravvivandoseli then laughed "Do not be too much to contemplate ... Come with me."



took my hand and no I had a chance to retort dragged me to the rehearsal room.
"What's so important?" I managed to say at the door.
"Come in, come on."
"Before I?" I asked confused, I did not understand what could be so vital.
"No, me! But siiiiiiiiiiiiii! Next." I urged, pointing to the door. I opened the door slowly
and slipped the head inside.
I could not believe it, sgranai eyes narrowed and her lips by surprise.
"Surprise!" Jamie said, standing in front of the guitar ...



A new guitar. Black with a small pink star on the side and other stars on the silver handle. It was wonderful.



Elvira ran to Jamie giving him a shove that threw me against the wall showed that wonder proud.
"Ah," Jamie rubbed the arm that had hit the wall "a little more sensitive, maybe."
"Come on, man does not whine for a little push!" Elvira said. "Lu .. Meet your new guitar!"



"... I do not know ..." I had eyes only for the guitar that stood before me.
"We made a small collection and we took it!" did not hide the pride in his voice Elvira "and stars on the neck I have attacked me."



"Guys, you should not have ..." I was embarrassed as a shy child, but so happy. "You spent a lot of money, I will repay the Ve ..."
Elvis shook his head and rolled her eyes "Do not say bullshit, Lu .. 's a gift for myself and for Jamie"
"But you should not have ..."



"It's actually used. We put aside a bit of hurry up and here it is." Jamie interjected.
snorted "You mean to say that we'll let the birthday gift, ok? Now is the time to take up, come on!" The
still gazed for a moment. Dazed in front of two people now become the most important of my entire life.
"Then you're done to remain standing there, want to try it or not?" the joyful voice of Elvira I looked away from the contemplation.



nodded and I walked slowly, almost afraid I'd disappear from the front at any moment. The
and touched the strings vibrate. I do not know why, but she did not cry as my old one, but made a sound like a laugh and crystal clean.
gained strength and imbracciai Then I tried two agreements. I turned to Elvis smiling and happy she returned with a satisfied grin and mischievous as only she could do, knowing that his ideas were always the best and could do no wrong.



soon became a symbol of that guitar. A symbol that marked the time to get out of the whirlwind of sadness, a turning point, it made no sense to continue to drag on like that.
"I would say to inaugurate the new guitar, shall we?" Jamie suggested already looking forward to sitting in on drums to play.
"Good idea, Stone!" Elvira rushed to bottom.
We played a long time, I felt better. It was exactly what I needed, I would not have stopped doing it. Remain to fret had not only worsened my mood, but henceforth all.
Things were going the right way.