"The Heart Asks Pleasure First Michael Nyman
I could not believe my eyes. In the silence of the little sobbing, in a long time since I knew I could never imagine what made her so sad. Elvira was not crying, he never did.
As soon as I saw her tears with her shirt sleeve, futile attempt to not show in that state.
"Elly, what is it? What happened?" accuciandomi whispered close to her.
"Nothing, do not worry." His eyes swollen and red and his voice trembling.
"I do not have to worry about?" If you tell me so sure I care. Then you look how small. " I passed a handkerchief and wiped his best trick soft cast on his cheeks.
"The truth is that ..." he paused for a moment torturing her hair "What ..." he went "Oh, man ... I can not believe that I made peck ..."
"But believe us ..." the incalzai sitting down in front of her, "Did you think I would not have found or that I would not have noticed?" I used a firm tone, perhaps a little abrupt, but I wanted to know what had upset.
"What you realize everything is always me." He tried to smile through her tears.
"Come on, Elly, just tell me what happens ... Then if you do not want to talk about ... No matter ... Do not make an effort. "But no one knew what I wanted to break his thoughts and know what troubled her.
He looked away from my hand affixed by twisting, the handkerchief tortured in his hands.
"Today is the anniversary of the death of my mother." He hissed. A slight gust of wind, a handful of words that breaks my heart.
"I'm sorry ..." I was only able to say, without words. The pain is in the eyes of Elvira. "Can I help you? Anything ... "
" I do not worry, it's embarrassing enough that you see me like this. "Rest your eyes on me.
"But come on, you're kidding! You know I do not care to see you cry ... See you weak. "I corrected, sweet tone.
She bit her lip.
"" I called my father last night. "Brief pause." I called. I told him if he went to the cemetery today and 'Dear, I'm busy, I'll deliver the flowers'. - Busy doing what? "I asked." Gesticulated frantic, holding then his hands on his head. "To take the sun with that ... I was detained. I wanted so much to say Troy, but something stopped me. 'No, Elvira, work commitments, I'm sorry'. At that point I reattach it. I came to a point where it bothers me even hear his voice. "He rubbed his eyes still moist, but firmer than before.
" was looking at how beautiful she was ... Even during his illness. "It embraced the knees, gathering in a small space, as if to disappear "He was my eyes, the same color, same eyes ... It was delicate and sweet, like her a lot ... physically ..."
"Shortly before he became ill he had filed for divorce. He had found another. I knew because I had seen them. But I was 12, I could do? When my mother was diagnosed with a disease he felt guilty and not divorced, but continued to stay with the other woman. While she was ill he was treated by the great doctors to feel better, she was not ever miss anything, but it was clear that he did only because he felt a bastard.
E 'was an agony lasted 4 years. The 4 years of my life long and empty. He never spoke more practically and when he did it was cold. It was as if she were afraid of me. And you know why? I am sure, had a fotuttissima afraid to talk to his daughter because he seemed to talk to her wife who was dying in a damn hospital bed. "More tears flowed from his eyes, out of control.
"During the years of the disease, my mom always found the strength to cuddle. Even just before he left he hugged me. He told me to be strong and that he would never go out of my life, I would always be protected wherever she went. "He picked up his face in his hands a moment before continuing.
"I miss him. I miss everything about her, you know? And he? Do not even go to the cemetery to see the anniversary of his death. E 'atrocious, I can not forgive him. "
took a deep breath, always gathering in a corner.
"You can not imagine the day of the funeral. It 'was the saddest day of my life. I did not sleep for days, I kept seeing her in the coffin, motionless and cold and pale. I was hoping to wake up and hugged me again. I felt alone in the midst of a thousand people and it all seems so fake, so mean to me. "
" I was always a strange girl, but never bad or wrong, I like music, I like dying my hair, having fun .. . Even at the time I was weird ... The appearance deceives always friends and family saw me as a sort of mostro.Avranno also thought that I take drugs, anything like that. Only you understand me ... Only you ... "
sighed.
"I had an adolescence absurd." Hardly a smile between the tears. "Yeah ... I mean .. It 's weird ... I was well placed in high school, but I was in a hole in everything I did, a puppet without a soul acting without thinking. For example, to go out with boys, and Credem I've had too many, never any serious history. ... Well I ', I still ... Fear of tie. "
" Lu, I'm afraid of losing someone I love again, which I love and which would give my own life for her. "If Elvira had been would have died instead of her mother, I was convinced.
" You know, the first time I saw you you were so pretty ... And embarrassed. " She smiled sweetly.
"Eh?" I blushed slightly.
"Yes, you were funny ... You looked so sweet. I thought I wanted to be your friend ..."
The same thing that I thought ...
"But with you I hesitated at first, I was not sure ... Then I jumped. I had nothing to lose. I was used to the idea that I would be left alone for the rest of my life. .. At the end . Even with the friends I've always had bad luck, you know? In high school I had a friend that I was tied up. Her name was Nicole. We set up a group, we had many things in common. quarreled furiously one day. You know why? Drop who had made the camel's back was that I had cheated the boy. Not that I care so much about him, but she was fucking me for the umpteenth time. You know, it seemed everything I wanted and I did not scruple to steal everything that seemed to make me happy, I found out later, unfortunately ... So she lost. "
" But Anyway ... .. I sometimes go to him to patch up relations with my father, that's why I still do keep him, but I think the feeling is mutual. I hate, I know you see. Meet my desire to keep me good, not to me complain, to keep me quiet ... And the best part is that I will ever hear say many words. I just want it more closely, in fact. .. "he stopped a moment, who knows how many thoughts were going through for the head.
"Ok, I'm talking nonsense, I do not know what I'm saying ..."
interrupted, I understood very well, was all too clear.
"Elly ... It 's all right. Really. "I had moved so much that I wanted to cry there with her, hug, but I only take her hands.
"Hey, what's going on here?" we had not even noticed that the door of the closet was open and Jamie was entered.
"A meeting of tears ... Want to join?" Elvira said, laughing through her tears.
"Come on, make me worry." Serio.
"Ah, I'm not going to redo everything my monologue ... "could pretend that all was well, when in fact she was screaming inside. I got up and went to Jamie.
"Jamie, would you like to go for a little hike today? They range from the florist, take a nice bunch of flowers. Elly his selection, of course. Then go to the cemetery to visit his mom, ok? Take a taxi, does not take long. "Intervene I hope that Jamie plucked.
Jamie realized the situation and just nodded, smiling softly.
"And you know what?" I continued, "Now begins a new semester. You know what we do? We will try to make us conscious as a group, ok? Maybe we suck at first, but it does not matter. Do not play just for fun inside a room, beat us and we will get some results. There were? But we need our bass player is not that best friend to do it. "I turned to Elvira, his eyes now dry and look grateful.
"Yeah ... Elly, we are a group, no? "Added Jamie.
"If I may say so ..." he smiled he had just paid almost no tears "I love you." He whispered with his head down and the air serene.
hugged her strong, deserved all the happiness in this world my sad little doll.
"Oh, come on we are doing? Seem pussy! Bleah! "Laughed beaming now. He stood up suddenly, his feet ready to shoot.
"Up, lazy, what are you still doing here! Come on! Without me this group does not make sense to exist! "
Jamie and I exchanged a look that was worth a thousand words ... He smiled again, as before. Beaming.
I think, for the first time in a long time, for a moment, our beautiful doll she felt less alone. And the promise I had made would be kept, we had to carry on with all our might that small dream and we could make it. At any cost.
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